I cannot find my penis.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
