Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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