No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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