if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
