Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
