this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
