woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
