There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
