remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
