A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
