Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
