They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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