The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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