im drinking this country out of the recession.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
