my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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