either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
