just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
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Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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