by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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