and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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