he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
