the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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