Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
