i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
