Rock
Scissors
Fuck
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
