It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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