my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
