im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
