he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
