He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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