if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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