Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
