Already got asked if we're dating
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
