I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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