and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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