I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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