I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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