New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
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its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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