can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
