Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
