so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He shit in the fireplace
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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