There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
