when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
