Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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