The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
