I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
