Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Life is so much better after having sex.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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