Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
