I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
