Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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