So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
