Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
When did angry sex become our thing?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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