thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
