I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
