Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize