Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
