If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
