Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
