It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
