I feel like abortions should bother me more
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
