i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
