I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
