Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
