i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
