Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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