she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
