I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She bit a glass in half.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
