i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
