You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
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Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
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I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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