i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
