I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
