TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
