i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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